Holding on to feel the same

Protected: #91 to infinity & beyond

karolyn — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:37:44 +0000

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#90 Borrowed Heaven

karolyn — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 04:09:54 +0000

saudade japa. muitas saudades.

saudade laranja também.

seni seviyorum.

I carry your heart(s), I carry it in my heart.

#89 Take Me To The Place I Know I’ll Be Alright With You

karolyn — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 02:31:44 +0000

My insomnia is at its worst. It’s 4am & I am not even a little bit tired. I cannot wait to go back to sgp to see all my friends, I miss them so much it actually hurts to think about it. But I know how much I will be crying when I actually leave Kaiserslautern. I didn’t cry when I came here because I knew I was going back, I will see everybody in 6 months. But when I leave Kaiserslautern, I will never see any of the people I met here ever again. And I’ve never felt this kind of pain before. & it actually tears my heart up just thinking about all of these friends that will become strangers.

#88 I dreamt I was missing, you were so scared.

karolyn — Fri, 13 May 2011 05:42:52 +0000

I’m still trying to make up my mind if my dream last night was a good one or a bad one. but i know i really want to go back to sleep just to see Felix standing next to me.

I don’t know why life is like that, they give you people that you tell everything to & then take some of them away. (thank God my clique is still around ♥) i really don’t understand (but surely it happens) how two people can drift apart from each other when once upon a time they had everything in common. I look back & I really miss the friendship I shared with Joe, Felix, Kevin & hell even ChinHua. but the case with Joe, Kevin & C is not so bad because we are still friends, we just don’t talk very often, or meet very often anymore. but I remember when Kevin was my bester, when Joe & I talked everyday & C minus the whole LOML thing he really was my best friend. but Felix ? We just stopped, & he fell off the face of the earth with no idea how much he has impacted my life/me. I haven’t seen him for 7 (God I’m old) years, but his face comes to me in less than a split second. If I should have a God-brother/sworn brother, I would choose Felix with no hesitation. He taught me many things, lessons in life that I would not have learnt otherwise, but he didn’t mean to.

If you told me that I’d have Felix back in my life & things were as before if I gave up say 20 years of my life, I’d accept that trade. & the truth is although I’ve googled him everytime I think about him (which is quite often) I can’t find a single cllue about whether or not he’s still even alive. & the saddest thing is I don’t have a single photo of him, much less with him.

& I always wonder if I ever pop into his mind, like he does mine. whether he stops for a moment to think about me, whether I have impacted his life as he has impacted mine.

but while I’m here, I always turn to be thankful for my clique growing with me, & staying with me despite prolly seeing my ugly side many times already. ily girls ♥♥♥

#87 epiphany

karolyn — Tue, 10 May 2011 16:29:16 +0000

i wonder why epiphanies are actually really really obvious, you understand them previously but they never struck you so impactfully.

i just had a really good epiphany, if it hurts me, i should just stop doing it.

it’s really really obvious isn’t it ? it’s so obvious that i’m feeling really dumb for not getting it. yet somehow i have been torturing myself daily for the past 2 weeks, checking twitter, facebook, email, skype & what have you. i was about to go onto twitter again to read what new updates there are but before i finished typing the url my epiphany struck me.

bah, whatever. i have my renewed visa (& i didn’t get lost !!!!), tmr is KFC day, my headache is gone, there will be a 2nd day for SMTown Paris, my f21 packages (germany AND singapore, yes i am that obsessed with f21) came today. oh happy days, oh happy nights (what song is this from ?), it’s 1 week to beast’s comeback, my apartment is clean (!!!!). counting blessings. OH I FORGOT I HAVEN’T REPLIED MY PARENTS EMAILS YET.

i love you yobo, hope you feel better soon. ♥♥