#92

rewatching Harry Potter & thoughts pass through my head, although they’re useless thoughts bc i can’t apply them in real life.

But my heart goes out to Draco the most. He was pampered & spoilt & brought up in a world where his parents are dominating creatures, and yet they fear Voldemort. & he had no choice about which side to go to. He was forced to abide by his parents’ choice when he actually is just a little boy, he had not matured until the 6th book where he was forced to kill Dumbledore. & he was all alone in that process. I really pity him & i’m glad he lasted til the end.

Some people pity Snape, i do too, but not so much. Bc Snape made his choice. He chose the dark side & he got betrayed that’s the consequence of his choice. But Malfoy, on the other hand, had no choice. He was pushed off the cliff & he had to battle his emotions and his thoughts alone.

#87 epiphany

i wonder why epiphanies are actually really really obvious, you understand them previously but they never struck you so impactfully.

i just had a really good epiphany, if it hurts me, i should just stop doing it.

it’s really really obvious isn’t it ? it’s so obvious that i’m feeling really dumb for not getting it. yet somehow i have been torturing myself daily for the past 2 weeks, checking twitter, facebook, email, skype & what have you. i was about to go onto twitter again to read what new updates there are but before i finished typing the url my epiphany struck me.

bah, whatever. i have my renewed visa (& i didn’t get lost !!!!), tmr is KFC day, my headache is gone, there will be a 2nd day for SMTown Paris, my f21 packages (germany AND singapore, yes i am that obsessed with f21) came today. oh happy days, oh happy nights (what song is this from ?), it’s 1 week to beast’s comeback, my apartment is clean (!!!!). counting blessings. OH I FORGOT I HAVEN’T REPLIED MY PARENTS EMAILS YET.

i love you yobo, hope you feel better soon. ♥♥

#86 Hey Now, Hey Now

happy days are far & few between that i must rmb each of them.

-y’know how i was feeling down ytd, but there was Ben to the rescue. (:
-today i was brought back to a song that i loved. Hey Now (This Is What Dreams Are Made Of) – Hilary Duff
-today i understood my first Network & Discrete Optimization lecture from start to end.
-today i actually understood more than half of what i was copying down in my Set Theory lecture (it is taught in Deutsch)
-today i came home to find my new flatmate cleaned the fridge, so me & my other flatmate cleaned the rest of the apartment. & clean apartments = (:
-I am going to have KFC on wednesday.
-I am going to extend my visa tmr (: i prolly will get lost & whatnot but idc.
-Today i found out b2st is coming back with their 1st full album. & this is after afterschool cameback with their 1st full album ♥♥
-it is exactly 1 month til I leave for Paris ♥♥
-I dyed my hair on friday (blonde hair dye again), & now it is dark brown (: i know it’s far from blonde but at least it’s not black. I did a really bad job because I didn’t spread the dye evenly, but I have a new hair colour.
-Today i braided my hair ♥♥
-I rotate my home-worn shorts & today is the start of my new hotpink pants.
-This week i have 2 parcels due to arrive, a huge f21 one (5 dresses !!) & an asos one. (:

& this is exactly how i feel right now.

#85

tumblr me. (: i swear it’s a happier place there.

#81

I do want to blog. I want to express all my thoughts. I want the world to read and sympathize with me. I want to start a movement based on my thoughts. I want someone to read it and fall in love with me, all the broken parts of me. I want someone else to read it & regret ever being the cause of my broken-ness. I want a fellow female to read this & learn to guard her heart at all times. I want a male to read this & know… & know… just know. I want a stranger to read this & tell me how to fix everything.

Everything works so smoothly in my head that reality is never close to the silent movie I play when I close my eyes. Because all it takes is for me to let my guard down for one split second of a split second to feel heartache once again. And heartache is a pain you’ll never get used to feeling. & because life is just not fair, because life sucks, it brings me to a place 12.5 hours away from home, it brings me to a place with a time difference of 6/7 hours from home, only to have to work harder to guard my heart when all i want is to let go because here is the first time i’ve felt hope in 3 years. But of course, I have trained myself, instilled this strongly into my head and my heart, that hope comes with despair, so to not feel despair, you have to ignore hope.

& to not feel sadness and especially not feel heartache, you cannot feel happiness nor can you feel love/be loved.